Life is beginning to move towards the end that I least want to see. Neither I nor my family or friends have been able to spend this September happily or even peacefully.. I was still the most evil decision maker: I was separated from each other and watched each other’s pain from a distance.. How can I describe this September to let you know my pain, how can I pretend to pass it off easily, and how can I simplify it to make you feel at a loss?. From September 4th Daily to that day, my life began to fall into the ruins that could not be recovered, and I vacillated between studying again and choosing a specialty.. With what kind of mood? I don’t want to recall any more. Only vaguely felt that he had entered another era that was darker than re – reading, and what was more sad was that he was helpless about it.. I did something disappointing to everyone’s expectations. I made the worst decision when I was least supposed to make a decision. Then, it seemed that everything should end in frustration. However, why am I still so unwilling?? I repeatedly thought about my previous happiness and repeatedly told myself how good it was that nothing had happened. However, time rushed to 2005 and no one could change it.. That night I dreamt that my puppy was blossoming and suddenly felt so poor. Because, now I have the same situation as it. Most of the time, I want to leave. Then, after studying hard for a year, I started my long-awaited life in Shencheng. I also want to call home countless times and tell mom what I think. Want to know, my mother is extremely cherish me, she always tolerant to tell me how can as long as you are happy. But I didn’t. I think I’m already tired of it. I can’t go back to my senior high school classroom to pick up a pen and make a paper in a hurry. If I’m not in the mood, I won’t belong to you any more.. Then it seems natural and proper to comfort yourself, persuade yourself, live well and learn not to regret it.. However, sadness still seeps in my heart like spring water. On the 21st of September, the 18th of the eighth lunar month, my 19th birthday. On that day, I made a decision that surprised everyone, including myself, to go home and study again. Then call and tell family and friends about their own decisions. Many people are urging me that this is not a trivial matter to consider clearly. And all this did not shake the stubbornness that I had already prepared at the time.. On the same night, when my father had left home to meet me in Chongqing, I began to recall the last year’s life, those depressing days, the flying papers, the sarcastic eyes and sharp words of my classmates, and the unknown future, and suddenly I was afraid.. Two days later, my father came to pick me up and hurried all the way to school by the two-day train. Then I said I didn’t want to go back. He smiled and said, ” Whatever you want.”. At that moment, I suddenly felt very clearly the love of my parents, so lenient that I didn’t care at all. The next day, Dad was leaving. I sent him with a very calm expression, hoping to bring him relief, and at the same time, hoping to bring myself peace of mind.. However, I found myself wrong again. Even before his back disappeared, I had already fallen into a deeper level of regret. Life is like a beast of prey, biting my head doesn’t count, but swallowing my whole body. That night I had a dream that I was a silkworm, struggling to see it through the cocoon, but suddenly stopped shaking. I called many people to tell them how unsatisfied I am with life here and how much I want to leave. This is before. But now, the opportunity is missed again. No, I am willing to throw it away. Can I tell them that I am not happy?? cannot. So, many times after the phone call from bin, I was laughing all the time. After all, friends, it is better to try to reassure each other. Later, I simply thought that I would never call them again. No one, including my parents, would live quietly on their own, no matter how helpless they were.. I held up my hands like a captive to surrender to all this. But I didn’t do it. I still returned to the original appearance, looking for family accommodation with a new face of children, and making bad things worse and worse.. Life began to move towards the end that I least wanted to see. Neither I nor my family or friends could enjoy this September nor even spend it peacefully.. I was still the most evil decision maker: I was separated from each other and watched each other’s pain from a distance.. Like a fallen flower, all the flowers that gradually bloomed in the depths of the heart in June, July and August fell in haste in this September..